You're always biting my moment! I hope it tastes good.....

Oh. So. Tired. You'd think with the time change, I would be more rested, but I think the odd hours kept over the weekend have screwed with my sleep schedule, and now all I want it to crawl into the warm, soft blakets on my bed.

While the weekend was a lot of fun, the best part of my weekend occurred once I got home. I wish that I had a video camera so that all of you can share in the hilarity that took place, but I don't so you'll have to try to imagine the scene through my pathetic attempts at descriptive writing.

Kayla, Nathaniel and Justin were all at my parent's when I arrived home (after a looooong 6½ + hour drive home.....complete with dead-locked traffic for about 20 miles.....it was great!! *sarcasm*). I don't know how it happened, but Justin had his Joe Dirt wig laying around, and amoung the three of them, each took their turn putting it on and dancing. Kayla (and I hate to say this 'cause she's so darn cute) looked like a little Joe Dirt. And she'd turn around, having the long part of the mullet half-way down her back, and she'd shake her booty at us. So. Stinkin'. Funny!!

But the weekend was fun. Especially the murderous curses Kristen yelled at someone outside Best Buy. The guy looked like M. Night Shyamalan. Kristen threatened to kick his ass as he cut her off by holding up his hand in a "stop" gesture. Thinking of it makes me laugh!!

I am sad that none of the movies we rented turned out to be scary. Silent Hill was horrible, but made bearable while Kristen and April made lesbian-esque comments about the actresses. It was hysterical.......yet frightening. So, yeah, I guess it did turn out to be a little scary!!

After we had been disappointed by the Haunted Ship, we were driving back to Kristen's and saw a sign for Haunted Hay Rides. So, we turned around and decided to check it out. As we were driving down the seemingly abandoned road, I thought to myself, Hmmmm. A car of five young females, driving down a deserted road, not knowing what they're looking for......Just add some scary music and put us on film and you'd have people yelling "What are you doing?! Turn around! Don't go there!!" Fortunately, nothing happened to us, and the Haunted Hay Rides were cancelled because the actors didn't show up. We turned around and went safely home. But it was one of those moments that could have gone either way: good or bad.

Happy Halloween to all - don't forget to wear reflective tape on your costumes or carry a flashlight.

Crack Filling Service

The above slogan was on a truck in the town where I work. As I walked past, I had a dirty thought. Can you think of what that was? Sometimes I surprise myself with the evil that goes through my head.

There is nothing new or exciting happening in my life. I am glad that I posted about my anger last time, I think that helped.

I am SUPER DUPER EXCITED about this weekend. Hangin' out with April and Kristen. Should be lots of laughter, joking, and memorable moments by Kristen involving driving (can we say, "Zdot!"). Also, a trip to the haunted ship is planned. How fun!! And, hopefully, food. I've been eating super good this week in anticipation for my lapse thereof this weekend.

It will just be so good to hang out with great friends.

So, this weekend was interesting in some areas. Mostly due to Kayla. 'Cause kids are so cute.

Remember when Nathaniel's (my brother) whore of a fiance left him because she was cheating on him with a married man? Well, she left without saying goodbye to Kayla and it crushed her. So, to deal, Kayla named one of our farm cats Missy, after his whore of a girlfriend. Well, a couple months ago, Missy (the cat) had babies and Kayla likes to go see them when she stays at the farm. Over the weekend, she saw the kittens, but never saw Missy (the cat).

So, we were all sitting around the table and Kayla said, "Geeze, Missy must be hunting a lot because I haven't seen her around." To which my dad informed her that Missy must have been hunting by the road, because Missy was run over and is now splattered all over the road.

Needless to say, Kayla was devastated, but mom and I drove her past the carcas on the way to church and Kayla insists it doesn't look like her Missy cat, so we let her believe that it was a racoon that got run over, not the cat. Poor Kayla.

Then, I was upstairs reading when Kayla came into my room and very carefully asked me why her dad had handcuffs in his dresser. Yeah. Handcuffs. You see, when his whore of a fiance left him, he moved out of their apartment and brought one of his dressers to my mom and dad's to keep for a while until he is done with school and gets a place of his own. Well, Kayla was snooping in his dresser drawers and found these handcuffs. And she also found a pair of leopard-print thongs. When she brought them in to ask me why her dad would have them, I almost died laughing, but I kept it all inside.

I told her to go ask her dad.

In other news, there are five stages of grief, as we all know: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Well, in dealing with being dumped, I've decided that I'm going through the stages; however, I've had them all mixed up. I started with depression, then I hit acceptance (or what I thought was acceptance), but then I fell out of that and now I'm stuck in Anger. I don't think I'm going to ever go through denial or bargaining, but right now I'm over accepting it and I want revenge. Anger is quite strong with me right now. (Did that sound a little Yoda?)

And I don't just want revenge for Scuzz Face, I want revenge on everyone who had anything to do with bringing the two of us together. Because, of the 4 people who were responsible for this, have any of them asked me how I am or apologized for bringing that Shit Bucket into my life? NO. NOT ONE! That pisses me off that they can ruin someone's heart by claiming Scuzz Face was "a great guy" only to take no responsibility when he turned out to be the biggest effing jackass ever. I mean, if I did that to someone, I would at least apologize. At least. So, I have been filled with hate and anger these past few days and I know that it's wrong, but I wish ill on all of them and mostly him. I wish I could be a better person, but it's just not working.

I fear the upcoming holidays because there will be work parties and get-togethers that I will have to face these people at and if I can't get over this anger, I know I will do or say something that will not be socially acceptable. Lighting people on fire and watching them burn to death, last I checked, was not socially acceptable.

It's Official

Well, I've been dumped now for a little over a month. And I'm feeling excellent. I've lost 5lbs and am hoping to lose more, but if I don't that's o.k., it was never my intent anyway. I feel good and that's what counts.

I like everyone's ideas of code names to use for Brad, I think maybe I should just go down the list and every time I want to say somthing about him, I'll just take one and then another and then another. That way I get to use all of the names.

Other than this, my life is boring. I'm not having dreams of watching porn with famous actors or getting lap dances from brothers of friends. My life has stayed pretty tame.

And my kitten is still alive. I'm impressed with myself. I even hold her and talk to her sometimes. I fear, though, that when it starts looking like a cat, I will not care so much what happens to it. Kittens=cute, cats=not so much.

crazy is as crazy does

Kayla is the cutest person, ever. EVER! In Sunday school are making binders full of all the stories they are learning in the New Testament, along with memorizing the books of the New Testament. Yesterday, I had them all make a cover page to stick on the front of the binder with their names and any picture/artwork that they wanted.

This is what Kayla's looked like (if I had a color scanner, I would scan it, but I don't.): She had a big heart in the middle, with "Jesus and Kayla" written in the middle of the heart. On the bottom of the page were 2 stick figures, one had a red shirt, blue jeans, orange shoes, dark hair and beard. It was saying "This is Jesus", and another stick figure had a pink shirt, blue jeans and orange shoes and it was saying "This is Kayla." It is the cutest thing ever. And Kayla's was the only picture that had anything to do with God or Jesus. She has the best little heart!! I'm keeping that picture forever.

On a totally different subject, a very wise and sophisticated lady suggested to me that I should come up with a nickname for Brad, so that it will help me get over him. Telling stories of him with a name other than Brad will more than likely help me to think of him in a different way, and then hopefully I'll stop thinking of him all together. This is a brilliant plan.

However, I'm horribly bad at being creative, so I'm asking for suggestions. Because I know you girls are way more clever than I. So, let the name calling begin!!

First Snowfall of Winter

Mt. Dew is my nemesis. As I was downing the sugary goodness yesterday afternoon I knew that I would pay the price. And I did. I was trying to get to sleep last night, but to no avail. It's just the price you pay for evil. Or caffeine.

But the good thing? I had a lot of time to daydream about things (even though it was no longer day). And do you want to know what I was thinking about? Oh, you know you do! I was imagining myself much thinner than I am now, and I was thinking it was next summer. I would be at this music event and looking hot and thin, and I would run into Brad. He would see me and want me back, but what do I do? Oh, I don't take him back, I kick the shit out of him.

That's right! My imagination had me first ignoring him, but since he was so annoying in my mind, I would then kick him in the crotch. Then, as he's doubled over in pain, I'd kick him again so he'd fall down on the ground, back to the ground. And then I would start on his face. Kicking him good, twice. (Because, I am a lady and would hate to look vicious.) And in my imagination there was bloodshed.........all his. It was quite satisfying.

But after this little psychotic daydream, I did pray for forgiveness. After all, I should really be thinking good thoughts for him and hoping he ends up married and happy and with kids. And that he'd get over all his issues. Maybe the next time I drink Mt. Dew that's what I can stay up at night and think about!

And in other exciting news, it was snowing when I left for work this morning. It was pretty much a white-out for a while. But now all the snow is gone.

Unfortunately, a girl from the town I work in died in a car accident today. She was only 33 years old. She and her husband had been trying to have kids for the longest time, but they couldn't. So then they adopted, but the biological mother wanted the baby back, so they had to give her back. And then just recently her and her husband had a little girl. What a horrible thing to happen! So sad. Please pray for her family.

Oh, the wonderment of ABC's The Bachelor! This season they have the ugliest bachelor known to man kind. He's nerdy and dorky beyond belief and all these girls think he's great. Why? Because they're portraying him as a Prince from Italy or somewhere European. But it's such crap because he grew up in NYC and can't even speak Italian. These girls are crazy.

But my favorite is the girl from Texas whose occupation is "Socialite." Yeah. I can't even begin to explain how worthless this girl is. When they moved into the villa that is pretty much a castle, she went and found the host of the show to tell him she couldn't stay in this place because "my room at home is, like, ten times as big as the room here, and there is no way I can share it with 3 other girls. And I don't see any maids here. Will I have to hire one of the other girls to be my maid." QUOTED, girls!! She said all that.

Oh, how I love TV!!

April called last night and caught my mom and I in the middle of a discussion about One Tree Hill and just before the phone rang I looked at my mom and said, "as if these people are real!" And we were laughing hysterically when the phone rang. Thank goodness April can understand and accept how odd I am.

Speaking of April, I hope that she feels better today and that she's not coming down with the flu. That would suck. So I'm sending only good, healthy thoughts to you (and thoughts of chocolate, because as we do recall, a milky way once healed me!)

I love fall and I'm glad it's getting colder and the leaves are changing. Most people don't like it, but I do and I can't wait for a snowfall. Which, I guess, might be on Thursday. Bring it on, baby! Bring it on!

"I'm dating...........and it comes with snacks."

How do you get over being dumped and having your heart ripped out? It's simple, my friends. You simply immerse yourself in television. Then, as you get to know the characters, you feel part of their lives and then you start talking about them as if they are your friends. I mean, Peyton, Lucas and Brooke (One Tree Hill) totally need my advice and support in their lives right now. And who could not be there for Meredith, Izzy or George (Grey's Anatomy)? I mean, once you see the problems that they have, your broken heart does not seem so bad.

And if that fails, try excercising. Yes. Exercising. I have been doing it. Why? It's simple my faithful readers. Exercising releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. And happy people don't have thoughts of jerking the wheel of their car so that they'll run head-on into a semi passing them at 65 mph on the highway because their bastard boyfriend ripped the heart right out of them and then left without any regret and now all hope seems to be gone. Really, it works.

On top of that I've lost 2½ lbs of the 17lbs I gained while dating him. And why did I gain all that weight? Emotional eating. Now that I just feel empty inside, I don't really have any emotions, so now I don't really need to eat. Not that I've stopped eating. Ha ha ha. As if.

I have been struggling lately, but I think I've got a hold on my feelings about Brad and everything that happened. I really gave my whole heart to him and I've never done that with anyone before, so getting rejected was horrible for me. I've been mainly sad most of the last 3 weeks, but I've changed a few things in my life and have immersed myself in Sunday School. Doing something constructive, instead of wollowing in my self-hate of being so stupid, has really helped.

Plus, I've become an "adoptive mother" for a kitten that was abandoned on our farm. Kayla named her Lulu, but I just call her kitty. She is obsessed with my feet (the kitten, not Kayla) and won't drink her milk unless I'm standing next to her. I am not an animal lover (yes, Kristen, be surprised), but I couldn't bear the thought of a living thing dying if I could save it, so I've been taking care of it for the last couple of weeks. I just hope this doesn't mean I'm turning into the cat lady!!

It seems that lately I don't post until I'm reminded to by Jolene. So, thank you for keeping me accountable. Not that I think I have anything exciting to say, but it's nice to know you're interested!