The Talk: Part 2

First of all, thank you all for your prayers - they really helped. It's amazing how much power God has.

Secondly, we had our talk Friday night- and he didn't break up with me. Basically, we talked a lot about how we both can start to be part of each other's lives, and he brought up a lot of issues that he had concerns about, and I brought up some of mine (and I did bring up how he was a jerk when I called him 2 weeks ago when he was sick, so we got that straight).

He made it seem like he wants to work at this, and then Saturday when we talked again, he did say that I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had so far, and that he hoped I'll be the best ever. I like to hear those things.

So, I guess we'll see how it goes from here on out. I told him that I felt like I was on the bottom of his food chain and I wanted to be a part of his life, not just "fit in" where it was convenient for him. He told me that he didn't want to scare me off with his lifestyle (being on the fire dpt. he sees a lot of things and he didn't want me to be scared by what he sees and the danger he's in.) I told him that 1) I'd rather have the chance to be scared off than be pushed away, 2) he can't let that be his excuse or cop out for not trying to make me a part of his life. I said that I didn't always want to hear "I didn't want to scare you off" when, in fact, he was just being selfish or lazy about letting me in. I also told him that I'm fiercely loyal and once I make up my mind to do something, I stick it out no matter what. And I also pointed out that I have an immense faith and that it would take a lot for me not to be able to handle things because when I can't, God can.

My only fear at this point is that nothing will change and I still won't be important enough for him to try to include me in his life, and that he won't have time. So that is what will be the end of us if we both don't try.

And he said that I am free to tell him when he's being an ass. Which I think I'll have to do from now on. No more bottling up my feelings. We'll have to get down and serious to make this work, which I think both of us want. Now we'll just see if we can actually do it.