Too Distracted to Blog

Remember my last post where I said I was boring and hopefully something would happen so I'd have something to blog about? Well, I should shut my mouth next time.

So, my grandma (my dad's mom) is probably going to pass away either today or tomorrow. It all started last Tuesday when she fell. She's been really weak lately. Last year she was diagnosed with some kind of blood disorder, cancerous-like, but not leukemia. So, she's been battling that but the last few months she's just been really, really weak and tired - which is not like her at all. She's always going, going, going. Always doing something.

So, she fell, but her and grandpa didn't tell anyone. But then Thursday morning my grandpa (on the verge of tears) called my mom because he couldn't get grandma out of bed. She was just too weak and she said her ribs and shoulder hurt. She thought she may have broken them when falling. So, my mom went down to their house (luckily they live in our same town) and got her up and dressed and then grandpa took her to a local hospital. But, she wasn't doing well and needed more blood because she keeps losing blood, so they took her by ambulance to the UW in Madison. They said she hadn't broken anything, but she may have bruised her ribs and shoulder, which they say can hurt worse than an actual break. So, they doped her up to keep her comfortable. My mom, dad and sister went to visit her over the weekend. I stayed home because I figured they'd just get her stronger and then she'd come home and they'd hire in-home health care and I'd check in on her then.

But, Monday night she had a massive stroke. Not the typical throw-a-clot stroke. Her blood can't clot because of her illness (whatever the name of it is) and she had an old bleed in her brain, and then on Monday she got another bleed, so her brain is swelling and bleeding. So, what they've done is given her a lot of morphine to make her comfortable, but that in turn makes her not be able to breathe very deeply, so she is having trouble breathing.

Last night after work I stopped at my Grandpa's because he had come home to change and get all his pills. He hadn't planned on staying Monday night at the hospital, but she was so bad that he sat there all night hoping that she wouldn't die. So, I asked if he would like company going back to the hospital (where everyone had been called to come and say good-bye, so my parents and aunt & uncle were there) and he was very glad to hear that. I can't imagine how hard it is on him seeing her like this. But he had accepted the fact that she's dying.

Grandpa didn't want to be left alone last night in case she did die in the night, so my dad stayed at the hospital all night. She hung on, but my mom called me this morning at work and said that she's breathing really shallow now. So, who knows.

I go in waves of crying and not crying. I always thought that if grandma or grandpa died I'd be o.k. with it because even though we're close, we're not as close as my other grandparents and I were (they died when I was in high school). But, it is harder than I though. I think of all the things that grandma is a part of in my life, and now they will never be the same. It makes me cry.

So, anyway. That is what's up. I will post a happy Birthday post when I can. Thanks to everyone who posted good wishes to me on MySpace. You're all wonderful!!