Secret Addictions

Well, I have a confession to make. And I've not blogged about it because it probably will make me look bad. But I think I'll feel better about it if I just get it off my chest.

After I got my heart torn out, I signed up on eHarmony for a little bit of self-esteem. I figured that I'd have to find someone halfway decent and compatible with me. And who knows in today's day and age what would come of it, but I figured if I met anyone through the site, that they'd at least be close to what I'd want. I signed up for 3 months, and didn't really have any luck. Then, with about a month left to go on my subscription, I started emailing 3 guys. One guy freaked me out, so I just closed him out. The other guy and I started calling each other and talking about every other day. But then he wanted to meet. It scared me, so I kind of made an excuse about being busy, and he's never contacted me since. Big sigh of relief. Then, the third guy lives in St. Louis. He, on paper, seems perfect for me. We emailed for about a month, then we started talking on the phone. However, when we would talk it was all about him, and if I'd make a comment, there would be dead silence on the other end of the phone (unless I'd asked another question about him). I kept wanting to scream into the phone that if he wasn't going to respond then he should stop wasting my minutes!! Then, to top it all off, he started talking to his cats. A guy with cats freaks me out.

What I feel bad about, though, is that I've just kept avoiding him and not calling him, and I haven't really told him that I don't want to talk to him anymore. I think he's gotten the hint, but I feel horrible that I didn't have the backbone to just blame myself ('cause, really, I'm the one who is scared to fall for anyone ever again) and be honest. I'm a horrible, horrible person.

So, there. It's out in the open.

And, since I'm on a rampage about not being a good person, I totally have a non-Christian story to tell you. Even though it takes place in a church.

On Christmas day, 2 elderly people were killed in a town near our community. The husband shot the wife because she was sick and in a wheelchair, etc. and then he killed himself. They were not members of our church but I guess they used to live around my town, and the family asked if they could hold the double funeral in our church. So, of course, we let them. (All I'll say about them is that they were the most rude family I've ever met.) But my unnice story is about the Ladies Group that did the dinner afterwards. I was roped into helping by my mom, so I couldn't say no. But those ladies drove me absolutely nuts. One of them, instead of helping to feed the 200 people (when our church basement only holds about 75), went through all of the desserts and picked out the ones that she wanted and then stuffed them into the container she brought and set them aside. And then she decided to go through the serving line and sit in the way and eat. Grrrr. I was doing dishes the whole time because it's was someone's bright idea to use real silverwear (catch the sarcasm??) instead of disposable. And no one was helping until my mom came. I could have strangled those women. I would have totally done it differently. It's been almost a week since then, but I still am fuming over it. There is so much more, but I can't even begin to write it all down.

Oh, and I've decided to make a resolution, even though I said that I wasn't going to. I am going to save as much money as I can this year (so, no using my credit card, no concerts, no unneccessary trips, etc. (no chocolate)) because then at the end of the year I'm going to quit my job and move away. Even if I don't have a new job. I'm just going to do it, and since I'll have a cushion of financing, then I'll be okay if I don't find a job for a few months. This is my plan, and hopefully I'll refine it as the year goes on.

You'll all have to keep me accountable.